On playa, it’s easy to get carried away in your experience and not stop to consider how your experience is affecting others.

Today, I’m going to focus on the big C-word — that is, consent.

In this #MeToo world, people are talking a lot about consent, which is fantastic. But what does consent mean in relation to your Burning Man experience? Honestly, for a long time I generally only thought of consent as it relates to sex (and I’ll cover more about that in another email). Through my work with Burning Man, I’ve learned how much it also relates to touch, food, photography and many other things too.

I believe once people know what’s ok and what is not ok, they try to do the right thing. As a community, we really need everyone to do the right thing. So, to get all of us on the same page about giving and getting consent at Burning Man, I’ve broken it down with help from the creators of The 11th Principle: Consent!, a group of Burners from North Carolina.

Explicit consent is mandatory for:

• Sex: This is the big one. Sexual consent must be given voluntarily, can never be obtained through coercion or force, and can be revoked after it’s been given. No exceptions. No one owes you anything, no matter what. For more guidance on the specifics of sexual consent and how to ask for it, check out MIT’s guide to consent (one of the more comprehensive I’ve found).

• Touch: Just because you hugged someone yesterday doesn’t mean you can surprise them with a hug today. “Surprise contact” isn’t always wanted, even if your intent is to show affection. In the default world if I said “You can borrow my car,” would you think you could always borrow my car? Same deal. Ask every time.

• Photography: Ask before taking pictures or shooting video. This goes for people as well as art projects, especially if the footage is going to be shared widely. Remember consent to take a picture is NOT consent to post it on your blog. And it’s never ok to sell the photo or use it for any promotional or commercial purpose. (Remember what I shared about Decommodification?)

• Gifts: Disclose exactly what’s in your gifts, even if your gift is something as seemingly harmless as essential oils. People have sensitivities to many different things. Also, make sure someone actually wants your gift and don’t be offended if they refuse it.

• Foods, drinks, and substances: Disclose the ingredients, including alcohol. One person’s innocuous ingredient can be someone else’s allergy, or worse. And never, ever dose someone. First of all, it’s illegal. And as longtime Burner John “Halcyon” Styn says, “Some people may think that secretly giving someone a drug experience is a gift, but it is NOT.“ Watch his video for more of his thoughts about consent on the playa.

You don’t have to take it from me, this Burner knows what’s up.

Last year, British Burner Teagan Rayne put together a terrific video about on-playa consent. She points out if everyone gets consent for everything, from the little things to the big, we’ll all have a better time in Black Rock City. And she’s 100% right. One of her suggestions is brilliant: Check in with people you’re having a long conversation with and offer them an “out” once in a while. How many times have you felt trapped in a conversation with no easy way to escape? (Too many to count for me.)

Teagan Rayne of Project Pterodactyl

You can do it! I have faith in you...

Asking for consent can feel uncomfortable, but it gets MUCH easier with practice. The playa is a great place to practice asking for what you want and need, and for saying “no” when something isn’t. Also, you don’t have to explain your answer. “No” is a complete response.

That’s consent in a nutshell!

Here are some more resources to help you do the right thing:

• The 11th Principle: Consent!: A comprehensive resource for all issues related to consent.

• Bureau of Erotic Discourse: B.E.D. is an independent team of volunteers who gather each year in Black Rock City to offer sex-positive education about sexual consent among adults on the playa. Their focus is on clear, unambiguous communication to understand when consent is given, rejected, or withdrawn. We include B.E.D. information in the acculturation packet each participant receives at Greeters.

• On-playa workshops and events: Check the comprehensive online Playa Events calendar for workshops and events on consent happening throughout Black Rock City during event week.

Thanks for making it to the end! I really, really appreciate it.

Charlie “Louder!” Dolman

P.S. Next time, I’ll talk about the back streets of BRC.

image via The 11th Principle: Consent!

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